7 Essential Steps to Heal from the Trauma of Controlling and Critical Parents

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Article updated on Fri, June 14, 2024 @ 8:50:52 PM GMT, first published on June 12, 2024 by Simon De Lafronde

Growing up with controlling and critical parents can leave deep emotional scars that last long into adulthood.
The constant put-downs, lack of emotional support, and stringent rules enfeebled your self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
Even years later, you may still struggle with feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and difficulties in relationships.

Statistics on the impact

According to a study published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress, children raised by controlling parents are more likely to develop mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and PTSD later in life. Another research by the American Psychological Association found that parental criticism is linked to lower self-esteem and higher rates of substance abuse in adulthood.

The importance of healing

Healing from this kind of childhood trauma is crucial for your overall well-being and ability to form healthy relationships. The road to recovery may be long, but regaining your sense of self-worth and breaking free from toxic patterns is possible.

Acknowledge the Pain

The first step is to validate the pain and emotional turmoil you experienced as a child. Don’t minimize or rationalize the ways your parents’ behavior affected you. Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions – anger, sadness, shame – without judgment.

Practice Self-Compassion

You are not to blame for the way you were treated. Cultivate self-compassion by speaking to yourself with kindness and understanding, not criticism. Treat yourself as you would a close friend going through similar struggles.

Identify Negative Core Beliefs

Controlling and critical parents often instill negative core beliefs about ourselves that linger into adulthood. Identify these destructive thought patterns (e.g. “I’m not good enough,” “I can’t trust anyone”) and consciously challenge them. Replace them with more positive, realistic perspectives.

Build a Support System

Surround yourself with people who truly see and appreciate you for who you are. Seek out supportive friends, join a support group, or speak to a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma. Having a solid support system is vital for healing.

Reconnect with Your True Self

Years of criticism likely caused you to lose touch with your authentic self. Explore new hobbies, values, and interests separate from your parents’ expectations. Rediscover the activities and qualities that make you feel genuinely happy and fulfilled.

Set Boundaries with Parents

If you still have contact with your parents, it’s important to establish firm boundaries to protect your well-being. This may mean limiting communication, refusing to tolerate criticism, or even cutting ties if they remain toxic. Don’t feel guilty about prioritizing your mental health.

Letting go of the trauma inflicted by controlling and critical parents is an ongoing journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance and self-love. What small step can you take today towards reclaiming your self-worth?

FAQs on Healing from Controlling and Critical Parents

Useful Resources and Links

• Emotional Well-Being | CDC. This website offers tips and resources on how to improve your emotional health and resilience in different areas, such as stress, social connectedness, and coping with COVID-19.
• NIMH » Help for Mental Illnesses. This website provides guidance on how to find help for yourself or someone you know who has a mental illness, is struggling emotionally, or has concerns about their mental health.
• NIMH » Caring for Your Mental Health. This website lists federal resources that can help you improve your mental health, such as the NIH Emotional Wellness Toolkit, the NIH Social Wellness Toolkit, and MedlinePlus.

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